Some years ago, Lucy Kellaway’s column in the Financial Times printed a piece on (sic) ‘What to Say to a Colleague Who has Cancer When You’re at the Water Station in the Office’. My response to Lucy’s column was printed by the FT and several years later, my cancer patients still remind me that many of their colleagues are uncomfortable to be in their physical presence. Persons who have cancer are fighting for their lives. Be compassionate, be empathetic and exercise kindness towards your colleague who is courageous and battling a malady none of us would ask for. Support them in whatever way you can. After all, if you were in their shoes at the water cooler, what would you want your colleagues say to you?
I have been treating cancer patients for over 16 years and during this time, I have listened to their ‘water cooler’ experiences. The following are comments/suggestions cancer patients have for their colleagues when ‘confronted’ at the water cooler:
1) Please do not look at us as if we will die today, tomorrow, or the next day. We are here at the office because we are fighting for our lives and crave any sense of normalcy. We still have our bills to pay, responsibilities, families, and friends. Do not look at us with pathetic expressions – speak to us – we are warriors!
2) Do not look away from us or avoid us. We are not contagious!
3) If you see we do not ‘look well’, ‘step up to the plate’ and offer to help with any office tasks that you might possibly be able to manage. Do not do this for your own personal gain; do it because it is the right thing to do. It’s okay to ask us ‘how do you feel’, or ‘can I help you?’
4) Just be friendly. This is far more appreciated than false sympathy or empathy.
5) Please do not pretend or state you know what we are going through unless you are a cancer survivor. You have no idea what we are dealing with day to day.